Against The Tide
Dec. 5th, 2004
10:16 pm
- The Fallen Desire -
Always wanting to go further
This talent is all to be wasted
Never again to do I feel
Now just only to be forgetful
It lasts only for so long
All of this seems to be fake
Just take it away from me already
Always wanting to go further
This talent is all to be wasted
Never again will I feel
Now just only to be forgetful
This is my misery to be
It's all passing away from me
All good things do end.
- The Wish For An Ending -
It all beings with empathy
The urging of instinct
Only writing on feeling
It needs to stop
Wishing only to write when calm
Why does it have to be?
Want it all to come naturally?
Will that ever become the way
Or am I stuck in my nightmare
To write only when the time comes
Take this gift, take this gift
End all of the torment for me
Please just end it all....
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thoughtfulDec. 4th, 2004
09:04 pm - Holding Myself Back..............Is That The Right Thing To Do?
So many things to express in writing, but I am afraid..................what am I to do?
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torn02:36 pm - Several Requests
To all my freinds on here please keep my close friend Joel aka ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
boliscub and his family in your thoughts and prayers. His grandma passed away this morning. Also choosestarlight 's family too her grandmother just went into hospice.and for my friend bunny_suicides mom to have a good recovery from having surgery on her jaw. Thanks and much appreicated.
melancholyDec. 2nd, 2004
09:05 pm
Sometimes I can't find the right words, it just is really frustrating when I can't either esp when there is an important conversation going on.............................blah.
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frustrated01:53 am
Today was my last day off, tomorrow I go back to work for four days....Then hopefully another three, but we will see. Tonight met Glen and Justin at Common Grounds in Fenton. Kind of one of those last minutes things. I really didn't think was gonna go, but decided too. It was alright, just sucks being sick. I am doing way better, but still have the cough. After that we headed over to Walmart since Justin needed a cellphone case thing. We parted ways and I went to Subway to buy some dinner. Came home and chatted for a while. Had an awesome talk with Michael tonight and glad we talked. We got alot of things off our chest about the things that happened in the past. It felt great. Going to bed pretty soon here since I have to be up by 11. Anyhoo, whoever is reading this hope all is well. *HUGS*
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goodNov. 30th, 2004
11:56 pm - The Sky Overhead Is Overcast With Thoughts Of These Passing Moments
Over these past couple of days I have faced some hard moments. Trying to figure out what had happened. I have spoken to the person and he has posted about it. I really don't know what to think. By everything that happened he didn't do it intentionally. I believe what he says is true. I know that for a fact now. It has brought me a little peace. There is so much to it and care not to go into further details of it. Glad to finally have some closure to it. There are certain lyrics that I definately can say is how I feel.
"...If my dreams must die
Let them die in me
For the sake of understanding
I could not see. "
Lyrics from Lighthouses, by: Quantice Never Crashed
Things that I thought about with optimism now have vanquished, those were my dreams. They are dead, but maybe they will come back again. I hope they can. There is a part of me that needs to continue mending as I find understanding.
Whoever is reading this hope all is well. *HUGS*
thoughtful02:58 am - Finding The Answer Coming From A Meaning Of A Song
- Running Man -
"I've built walls around me. I've surrounded myself with everything that's gotten me here. But I'm tired of apologizing, and I'm tired of running from the things that I can't hide from. It's hard to believe in yourself, and it's hard to believe anything but I've learned forgiveness, and I've learned sincerity. "Burn a bridge or be left behind. Spread your wings and be proud of who you are." and I've burned bigger bridges than you. I'm not afraid to let go this time. It's hard to believe good intentions, but I'm not afraid- I'm looking for something I don't know how to ask for. "Spread your wings and be proud of who you are. You choose what you carry with you." and I've burned bigger bridges than you. I've built walls around me. I've moved on from everything that's gotten me here. "The end justifies the means". I've left you behind. I know you've been waiting for the right chance to stick this knife in my back. This chance is mine. I've left you behind. This is the last time you will make me painfully aware of how humiliated these open arms I've held for you have made me. "
The Meaning:
"Creating emotional defenses and deciding when to draw the line with other people when they can hold you back with where you truly want to go. Not being afraid to cut ties with things and people that are counterproductive to finding yourself and moving on from the past instead of repeating cycles. Learning self respect through being honest in your friendships and where you choose to put your energy. "
Quantice Never Crashed
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content02:17 am
Just been thinking about everything going on. I am letting things get to me that shouldn't. I need to focus on me. It all has to do with this change that I know has occured. It feels good, but not always. Moving on is kind of hard. I am backing away from alot of things esp future plans. I am not gonna do anything I thought I was going to do. This might leave some people confused, but it's just what I need to do for myself. I always think that it's a good idea, but never usually is. I know I am coming upon a very big transition in my life. I feel it. Something that is inevitable and I can do nothing to change it. Only to stay strong. There will be some people who end up being hurt during this process, but there is nothing I can do. That is about as far as I can explain what is going on. There is so much more I need to look at. To take care of for me and only me. Whoever is reading this hope all is well. *HUGS*
-Suitable Ending-
Walking the back roads watching the distant sunset
The thoughts of you perish with every breath
You've left me with a broken heart
The emotional desire nothing but an empty husk
The words spoken between the two of us
Are only left with an apathetic meaning
Any future plans called off to do earlier happenings
Won't allow this to go any further
My heart won't be misled by false hopes
Only walking away from this sad mishap
This will be my wreckening choice
Leaving you alone to your own thoughts.
-Universal Justice-
This fake reality is beginning to crumble
My own invincibility giving way to the real
The arrogance begins to fade away
Everything comes back when you wrong someone
The horrible feelings finding solace within
Nothing can allow you to escape this
Karma is having the last laugh in amusement
Nothing will ever grant comfort from this tragedy.
uncomfortableNov. 29th, 2004
07:54 pm
More and more everything I done in the past, all the negative things are coming back all at once. It's just all to weird, but as always karma is a bitch. I know I will take everything and learn from it. I need to be more aware of what I am doing. Think before you react. I need to focus on that phrase to when I am to be careful. Anyhoo, whoever is reading this hope all is well.
07:50 pm
The more and more I read into this person's journal, I go further into this depression. I am holding the anger back. It just hurts to read what I see. You get caught up into something and then everything is crushed 'cause you wait to long. I guess I need to move on. Stand strong and not to let it get the best of me. It's kind of hard to talk about it. I don't even want to talk with person in whom it's about, but whatever. I will deal with it accordingly like everything else.
sad02:30 am
There always is a time when you just don't know what to do. What choice to make or what not to make. It's such a mess.
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apatheticNov. 27th, 2004
07:47 pm
It's seems another karmic lesson is beginning to unfold, I need to sit back and take it in stride......
content02:49 pm
Day went nice and fast. I got alot of things done. I am worn out hardcore. Need to get some sleep. I won't get to see Diver tonight probably. :-( *tear *tear. One more day of getting up at 7 a.m. Hopefully next week I will be closing. That is about it on my front. Whoever is reading this hope all is well. *HUGS*
P.S. Some people can be lame sometimes.......
sleepyNov. 26th, 2004
09:18 pm
Today has been alright and productive. I went skating for about an hour to get some excercise. Then headed over to the comic shop to buy some new comics. I bought, Batman/Superman #'s 7 thru 10, Soulfire #0 and Spectacular Spiderman #1. I bought Spiderman to do the fact that Ramos one of my favorite artists is working on that one. The others one were done by Michael Turner and #7 was done by Pat Lee. I enjoy there style or artwork, it's so unique and different from everyone elses. I came home and tried to take a disco nap, but Michael ended up calling me. I couldn't go back to sleep after being woken up. I got up eventually around 8 and headed out to the Pachyderm. I shot a couple games of pool with Duane. I chatted with Corey a bit about X-Men Legends. I need to start that game over 'cause I am stuck on the part where you have to save the people on USS Arbitar. It's a bitch 'cause you have 15 minutes to do it. I didn't realize that you need Nightcrawler and Storm to get some off the guys out. Anyhoo, just sat there and chatted. I ended up leaving about an 90 minutes later. I have to work early in the morning. Work went well today too. There was one thing that I care not to go into details about, but it was drama. It wasn't necessary drama, just was an honest mistake I need to learn from. Now I am gonna head off and watch some t.v. Whoever is reading this hope all is well. *HUGS*
" Perfection through silence." - Finch -
contentNov. 25th, 2004
06:25 pm
.......................I am thankful for being alive, thankful for all the friends I have, thankful for the family I have, and thankful for everything and everybody that will cross my path in the future, I am thankful for the all things I don't have and thankful for just being the person I am .
Nov. 23rd, 2004
07:08 pm - Only Pieces Of This Puzzle Are Coming Together Gradually, More Preparations To Facing Reality
Just sitting and listening to what somethings were just said not to long ago. I finally realize what my brother went through during these times. I know how much worrying I have put my mom through when I didn't have a job. There are other details to this whole story. I can't really say any further details of it.
Reality has been showing alot of truths to me lately. Most of them are to helping me become a better person. The only bad part is feeling the guilt part of it. I am not beating myself up inside about everything, but taking it in stride. I am letting it all soak into my head and preparing for the future. Not giving it a chance to happen again.
I need to be strong in the next couple of days 'cause there are somethings I will face internally as externally. I need to focus on what lies ahead and not have any distractions from my main goal. To strive and become a stronger individual. I need to prove this by my actions that I will take.
Whoever is reading this hope all is well. *HUGS*
thoughtful....and sympathetic05:21 pm - Cast Aside Our Diffrences, It's Still There.........
" I still remember everything,
all the pain you caused.
I am living in this misery,
resisting evil thoughts. "
Lyrics from Ravishing Matt Ruth...by: The Chiodos Brothers.
12:04 am - Emo Lyrics
Give Me Strength.....by: No Motiv
Another day
Another dollar to go on
You've lost your way
Gotta find another savior
Cause modern man
Has something more to it all
You've lost your touch
ANd you're falling out of luck
Did you lose something on your way down here?
And I forgot my sin
And I'm losing it all
Give me strength
Give me power to go on
Hear me say all those good things you are
You lost a day to living in fear of
What might delay a find of better ways.
Pictures Of Shorelines....by: Further Seems Forever
And the moments that we've shared could last a lifetime
And the faith I have in us will keep you near
And several of these miles placed between us
Mean Several of these words sent by mail
I hope this letter finds you well.
calmNov. 22nd, 2004
03:50 pm
- Is it time to storm the castles walls? Freeing the mind, making a way for new dimensions. -
Lyrics from: I Will The Thief To Bleed
thoughtfulNov. 21st, 2004
09:42 pm - In The End It Was Meant To Happen
I am learning what it feels like to have something done back to me...............I guess a karmic lesson. It just happened several moments ago. Kind of hurts, but not that bad. It will mend, but this is another lesson.
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